PoetryMarch 26, 2007 3:42 pm
I float
completely free in the pool.
Nobody’s watching me.
Nobody can see.
I can’t feel free with
my dress, undergarments,
hosiery and jewelry
binding me.
What is it about the pool
that releases my demons
and lets me be.
This piece of so-called poetry owes its existence to this week’s Poetry Thursday prompt and "Free Floating (Study) by Chris Campbell at the Bethel Street Gallery.
I like where this is going. Have you thought of starting with the third stanza (and putting a question mark at the end of it)? And then maybe getting more into the demons? (I’m so not the person to be critiquing poetry…my .02!) Good work!
Comment by fatcharlatan — March 27, 2007 @ 10:40 am
I see your point, FC. The third stanza is more engaging — at least I’m assuming that’s your point.
Comment by Administrator — March 27, 2007 @ 11:12 am
I think it works as is; although you could switch the first and last stanzas and it would work that way too. Free floating is a wonderful sensation, both the picture and the poem capture it well.
Comment by desert rat — March 29, 2007 @ 10:55 am
We bought a watercolor when we were in Hawaii and I feel a similar floating when I look at it.
My PT is up.
Comment by Norma — March 29, 2007 @ 12:25 pm
I really like this poem - and the sensation of floating!
Comment by Paris Parfait — March 29, 2007 @ 5:30 pm
Even though the narrator says, “Nobody’s watching me,” I feel like I’m privy to a private, intimate moment.
Very cool!
Comment by January — March 30, 2007 @ 3:53 am
Thanks for the link to Chris Campbell’s paintings, they’re wonderful! I enjoyed your poem too, the sense of floating…
Comment by Crafty Green Poet — March 30, 2007 @ 8:51 am