Here’s what my teacher said about Version 2 of "Don’t Play with Matches." Her comments mean my poor Niblets will have to suffer through an expanded Version 3 at some point.

 Now you are cooking. As it is, you could call it good. But I also see that where you took me in the end is an interesting study in how you got to be a prickly person for a time. It also shows how being called on it helped you. You could expand this piece out . In a 1500 word piece you could do a lot with everything you have here—which to me is perfect—and show me more about you, and how you were with people. Were you aware that you were the way you were? Did you feel isolated? Was there anybody who could break through? At what point—age wise—were you when you “got it.” Did you have kids? If so how were you with them? If not, what role did that have in not having kids?

 

Tell me more about how people reacted to you. A friend and I were talking about Naomi Campbell. She is an extremely abrasive person. Got a mean streak. But we were amused because we knew that she hadn’t run into the right person yet. Because the right people would break it down for her.

 

So what was the most telling moment when someone ‘broke it down’ for you? Let me see it.  Did you think it was okay to be abrasive because your dad was? So were you stunned when someone called you on it?

 

This is so much stronger than when it was a part of another story. Give yourself several gold stars for carving and teasing out this little gem. Now think about how much more you want to do with it, now that you know what the what is.