Poem: A Taunt on My Front Porch
One daffodil bulb,
its papery outer layer askew,
lies on my front porch.
It’s on the brick outcropping
where an ornate brick planter
should hold brilliant, spiky mums.
Instead, there’s just this lonely bulb,
dug up by a squirrel
intrigued by the earth I’d disturbed
by my planting.
But squirrels don’t eat daffodils,
so one irate squirrel
protested my poor bulb choice
by displaying one
where I’d be sure to see it.
Such a squirrelly choice.
What do you think of my poem? With all of my poems, I’m open to your suggestions on how to improve them.
i don’t understand these lines: “intrigued by my the earth I’d disturbed by my planting.” but i love the idea and can visualise the bulb sitting there on your porch. i love the first three lines, especially the papery layer being askew. nice.
Comment by leonie — November 1, 2006 @ 10:37 pm
Leonie,
Your comment alerted me to the fact of a typo in my poem. I’ve since deleted the excess “my” from that line.
Thank you!
Comment by Administrator — November 2, 2006 @ 8:31 am
Well, I really like this poem!
I too, love the first 3 lines, and this: brilliant, spikey mums.
You gave me a vivid picture of the bulb, your porch and the squirrel ducked behind something, somewhere, feeling vindicated when he see you (finally) find the bulb he left.
I love that you saw poetry in this little event..
Comment by erin — November 5, 2006 @ 2:52 pm
I really liked the line about the “brilliant spiky mums”
Comment by Emily — November 8, 2006 @ 9:41 pm
I liked it, but that is not as important as YOU liking the poem. Once a poem is written and final , is there really any way to improve upon it? It is a reflection of your feelings and merits no judgement of form, grammar, punctuation, or content. That’s why I like prose of any type. It tells the reader alot about the writer at the moment the poem is written.
…oh yeah.. you mentioned squirrels, so that was cool
Comment by Skwerls_R_soft — November 11, 2006 @ 6:03 pm