Have you seen the American Express ads with the tag line “my life. my card.”?

Here’s how one of my squirrels would answer the questions in that ad.

my name: Pu Shi

childhood ambition: star in my own TV show, like Captain Kangaroo or Bozo the clown

fondest memory: Squirrelly Holidays, when my humans throw lots of premium nuts on the patio

soundtrack: “Pu Shi, the Chinese squirrel,” composed by my straight-haired human

retreat: my drey (that’s squirrel talk for “nest”) in a tree hollow

wildest dream: to become a bigger star than Sugar Bush Squirrel by starring in my own TV show

proudest moment: when “welcome to the nut house” became the motto of my humans

biggest challenge: not overeating; my humans are very indulgent

alarm clock: the sun

perfect day: mosey down to my humans’ patio, which will be smothered in nuts in their shells; play tag with Tuna, Flattee and the other squirrels; snooze on a tree branch; jump in the inappropriately named bird bath to drink water; chow down at the Squirrel Palace; go to bed in my cozy drey

first job: illegal nut sniffer-outer at U.S. Customs checkpoint

indulgence: eating only the finest nuts and pre-hulled sunflower seeds

last purchase: nuts

favorite movie: “America’s Funniest Squirrels”

inspiration: nuts

my life: is about going for the nuts